Early last month I drove to the Vipassana Meditation Center in Shelburne, Massachusetts to participate in a 10-day silent retreat. Vipassana is an ancient Buddhist tradition, often translated as "insight".

A major goal of the program is to develop your facility for equanimity - a mental calmness, composure, an evenness of temper in difficult situations, a grace under pressure.

The Vipassana technique is based on breath, which, perhaps, is the only thing we experience in present time, and on observation within of thoughts and emotions without judgement and dwelling on them. 

To help in achieving the level of calm and composure promised, distractions were minimized, leaving me alone with myself. Upon arrival I surrendered my phone, apple watch, all reading materials and writing materials. We practiced a silence with no eye contact or any other form of communication with other participants for the 10 days.

Each day was filled with 12± hours of meditation. We woke at 4:00 am for 2 hours of meditation. Breakfast was at 6:30 am. Lunch was the hearty meal of the day. Dinner was fresh fruit and tea, followed by teachings and meditation until 9:00 pm. Sleep by 9:30 pm was recommended. And each day an hour for ourselves –for solitary silent walks outdoors. 

Simple, yet rigorous and a few times daunting. Upon arrival I had signed a waiver that I would not leave before the 10 days.

Day 2, I asked myself how I would get through 8 more days. Day 5, with 5 days down I was struck with ‘I had 5 more to go’. Day 7, though, I began experiencing a stillness I had not experienced in some time. Day 9, waking and feeling I will miss being here. Day 10 included a Metta Prayer – loving kindness for self and others; a wonderful sense of accomplishment; and after silence lifted, wonderful walks and talks with others on the grounds outside.

There continues for me, now, supported by a continuing practice, an awareness of the equanimity I experienced on the retreat – an inner stability less disturbed by external experiences. For example, after returning I experienced a recurring emotional trigger that often spins-me out of balance. Recalling to merely observe my reaction I was able to “let it go.”  It was an emotional sensation with no grounding. It was not me, just an emotional reaction. 

I have been asked why.  Why do we do anything challenging, like run the NYC marathon, not one but many times? People not only repeat the ten-day silent retreat, like ultra-marathoners, some do 20, 30 and 45-day programs. I want still a deeper aptitude of equanimity – an anchor, a deepening of composure, calmness and serenity in an emotional storm. I do intend on repeating the program but for now 10-days is good.

So why did I do the retreat? First because it was recommended by my spirituality coach who has done the program several times, and I greatly respect her advice; secondly because it is recognized as a rigorous meditation program.