When I posted my blog last week, I like many people in this country were in pain.  There is nothing I said that was wrong factually or morally.  Yet, it didn't feel good.  It wasn't incorrect, just lacking something.  It wasn't in those who supported me or who opposed me.  It wasn't a lack of compassion or a lack of understanding as some might feel.  The whole debate didn't feel right.  Then I read a post by a professonal football player named Ben Watson who wrote something so superior to what I wrote that it both dwarfed my efforts and clarified my shortcomings.

I have copied his post at the end of my blog, but before you get to it, let me say that I believe that my biggest shortcoming was my submission to my anger.  While I clearly wasn't alone, I often pride myself in being above the din of the masses.  I pride myself in thinking at a higher level.  I was so caught up in the obvious overlooking of rational thought by so many, that I forgot to focus on what my goals have always been.  Finding solutions to problems.  Instead I was angry.  Not angry in a simplistic 'us or them' way as most people were, but angry at the lies being told by the whores racking in millions on the prostituion of the truth and capitalization of people's pain.  Angry at the racists who used what people were saying and what we were all seeing to reaffirm and even advance their intellectually vapid belief systems.  Angry at the people who who called (people like) me a racist for nothing more than standing up for the truth and lashing out at the prostitution.  After all, I have been the one my entire life who has stood up to prejudice, who has defended quotas and affirmative action programs and who has vehemently rejected any racist sentiments I have come across, from ANYONE.  I was determined not going to give in to the racists or the whores.  I was afraid of what would happen if I gave in.

Yet no matter what I wrote, posted or said anywhere, still didn't feel right.  I remember thinking, "Where the hell do we go from here?  How do we get out of this mess?"  I remember going to a bar with my wife and looking around and thinking differently than I ever had before.  I wondered what the black people around me were thinking about me.  I remember truly being afraid of abandoning the rule of law and our police officers, the same people who I have always presented to my son as heroes.  I was truly afraid of the corrosive, destructive culture that we have allowed our inner city kids to be raised in growing and being justified.

Ben Watson's post didn't confirm or dissent from what I felt.  It touched on all the things I fought for and some of the things I was fighting against.  Most importantly, it lacked anger and a showed a firm belief that things could still continue to get better.  He is not a prophet or a spiritual leader, he just nailed it.  Sometimes we need to be reminded of things and this week, Ben Watson was one of the people who stepped up and helped provide light to many people like me who were feeling very much in the dark.

Here it is:

"At some point while I was playing or preparing to play Monday Night Football, the news broke about the Ferguson Decision. After trying to figure out how I felt, I decided to write it down. Here are my thoughts:

I'M ANGRY because the stories of injustice that have been passed down for generations seem to be continuing before our very eyes.

I'M FRUSTRATED, because pop culture, music and movies glorify these types of police citizen altercations and promote an invincible attitude that continues to get young men killed in real life, away from safety movie sets and music studios.

I'M FEARFUL because in the back of my mind I know that although I'm a law abiding citizen I could still be looked upon as a "threat" to those who don't know me. So I will continue to have to go the extra mile to earn the benefit of the doubt.

I'M EMBARRASSED because the looting, violent protests, and law breaking only confirm, and in the minds of many, validate, the stereotypes and thus the inferior treatment.

I'M SAD, because another young life was lost from his family, the racial divide has widened, a community is in shambles, accusations, insensitivity hurt and hatred are boiling over, and we may never know the truth about what happened that day.

I'M SYMPATHETIC, because I wasn't there so I don't know exactly what happened. Maybe Darren Wilson acted within his rights and duty as an officer of the law and killed Michael Brown in self defense like any of us would in the circumstance. Now he has to fear the backlash against himself and his loved ones when he was only doing his job. What a horrible thing to endure. OR maybe he provoked Michael and ignited the series of events that led to him eventually murdering the young man to prove a point.

I'M OFFENDED, because of the insulting comments I've seen that are not only insensitive but dismissive to the painful experiences of others.

I'M CONFUSED, because I don't know why it's so hard to obey a policeman. You will not win!!! And I don't know why some policeman abuse their power. Power is a responsibility, not a weapon to brandish and lord over the populace.

I'M INTROSPECTIVE, because sometimes I want to take "our" side without looking at the facts in situations like these. Sometimes I feel like it's us against them. Sometimes I'm just as prejudiced as people I point fingers at. And that's not right. How can I look at white skin and make assumptions but not want assumptions made about me? That's not right.

I'M HOPELESS, because I've lived long enough to expect things like this to continue to happen. I'm not surprised and at some point my little children are going to inherit the weight of being a minority and all that it entails.

I'M HOPEFUL, because I know that while we still have race issues in America, we enjoy a much different normal than those of our parents and grandparents. I see it in my personal relationships with teammates, friends and mentors. And it's a beautiful thing.

I'M ENCOURAGED, because ultimately the problem is not a SKIN problem, it is a SIN problem. SIN is the reason we rebel against authority. SIN is the reason we abuse our authority. SIN is the reason we are racist, prejudiced and lie to cover for our own. SIN is the reason we riot, loot and burn. BUT I'M ENCOURAGED because God has provided a solution for sin through the his son Jesus and with it, a transformed heart and mind. One that's capable of looking past the outward and seeing what's truly important in every human being. The cure for the Michael Brown, Trayvon Martin, Tamir Rice and Eric Garner tragedies is not education or exposure. It's the Gospel. So, finally, I'M ENCOURAGED because the Gospel gives mankind hope."