Today's blog is based on my "remarks" as a memorial service for yesterday at United Methodist Church in Hempstead for Jean Bearak, my stepmom, who passed away in April:

For the first time in some 55 years, my brother Richy and I were not able to do something this year; we were not able to celebrate the mom Richy and I shared with our brother Robby. 

As we all know and come together this afternoon, Rob’s mom, step-mom to Richy and me, second wife to our late dad, passed away in the middle of this Spring while Rob was in from Portland, Oregon. 

As I sometimes blogged on Mother's Day, I enjoyed having two moms; not of the Heather has two variety, but it would be okay if that were the case. 

I share Phyllis with my brother Richy and our step-brother Jeff Stark, whose dad, Charles, since passed, married mom the year that followed Dad securing Jean. Until he passed, Richy and I shared with Rob, his mom Jean and our late dad but apologies to Rob for the several years Richy and I had Jean to ourselves before you got added to our lives.

Mom Jean lived a short walk from my alma mater Hofstra which “took” seven (not consecutive) years of my life. During that time I often look advantage of the couch and enjoyed second helpings of Jean’s signature Chicken Francais dinner dish. 

Pre-computers, Jean typed my college and some of my law school papers; it was a big helped for someone who avoided a junior high school typing class like it was some plague; who knew that might’ve been the biggest mistake I ever made. I am sure Jean’s assistance added at least a half a grade as opposed to what otherwise might’ve been submitted hand-written.

I think all here know Jean was/ is special. She never expected anything. She was always giving. It served as great example for others. Often when I was over, she was doing something whether as a Den-mom for cub scout Rob, for the PTA, this church, a friend. She built enduring friendships – with folks many here who looked out for each other. 

My brothers and I thank you for sharing our mom with us.

[above Jean with groom Robby before Rob's wedding to Jen Coleman flanked by brothers Richy & Corey; photo upper left is the three brothers with husband and wife Steve & Jean back in the day.]

My lovely daughter Marisa posted a beautiful tribute to Jean on Facebook.

I now invite Marisa to share it:

When I lived in California, my grandma and I exchanged letters. 

Like, actual letters. Dozens and dozens of them. Being pen pals with grandma made me feel so special. I like to think we had a unique bond.

Grandma passed away peacefully on Saturday morning [April 6] in her home on Long Island of more than fifty years knowing she was loved, where my uncle took his first steps, where my dad spent long nights immersed in intensive study in law school, where my grandparents definitely didn’t find anyone growing weed in their bedroom closet.

I’m going to miss hearing those stories from her.

Since grandma and I communicated best through letters, I’ll share below the last one I wrote to her just after learning she passed, and maybe it’ll bring some comfort to those who loved her just as much as me.

Dear Grandma,

The letters we've exchanged over the years have been a lifeline for me, a way to connect across the miles and share our thoughts, our dreams, and our love. Each word you wrote was like a warm hug, comforting me in times of joy and sorrow.

And as I write this letter, my heart is heavy with both sorrow and gratitude. Sorrow because I know that our time together has come to an end, but gratitude because I have been blessed to have you as my grandma and my friend. 

Words cannot express the depth of love and admiration I have for you. You have been a guiding light in my life, always there with wisdom, kindness, and unconditional love. From the stories you've shared to the lessons you've taught, every moment spent with you has been a treasure that I will hold close to my heart forever.

Your legacy of strength, grace, and love will live on in all of us who have been touched by your presence. I promise to carry your memory with me always, to live my life with the same compassion and courage that you have shown me. I will keep making you proud, Grandma, knowing that your memory lives on.

Though my heart aches from having to say goodbye, I take comfort in knowing that you have found peace. Thank you for being an incredibly gracious, loving, and kind grandmother. I love you more than words can say.

With all my love,

Marisa

P.S. I’ve kept every letter.

I thank Marisa for sharing her personal statement.  

At the conclusion of the service Rob and his wife Jen performed this tune in honor of Jean.